Still I blog

If anyone stumbles across thing thing---I still blog. I have returned to my xanga http://sarahflorida1085.xanga.com/ where I originally blogged to do all of my blogging which includes things in the social work field as well as things personally about me. Thanks for reading and come find me there :).

The End of The Beginning of Something Wonderful

Wow...yes, wow!

Yesterday was my last grad class...though I still have a field sem class for my internship this summer, this is technically the last class of my graduate school career. I don't have to pound out papers anymore, I don't have to wonder how I am going to get done all the work, I don't have to stress about school. It's just about over. Yesterday, we talked about termination. We talked about our experience in grad school-and I got really, really sad. Maybe it is because this semester has been so painful, not in terms of school but in terms of life. Here are these wonderful people I met and shared many classes with. People that were so different from me, yet have shared my passion for helping people. And now we are all going our separate ways. Maybe because so many people have come and gone so frequently in my life that makes this ending harder. I know I need to work on being able to end things better. For now, writing is how I cope though. It's easier for me to write when the emotions are strong. It's easier to project my true feelings through writing because as I showed yesterday, orally I can only say so much. There is so much I left out when I spoke in class that I wanted to say about this whole experience, but oh well, I will continue to write about it to process it and maybe that will help.

I can really say that I didn't know much of who I was when I started the program, and I still feel that way every now and then, but what I do know now is that now I have a purpose in my life at this time and that is to be a social worker. I know that this is the profession for me. I know that I understand pain and I understand that there can be healing and I know that people need support and as a social worker I help to empower people who have had rough times. I hope to use the tools I have gained to reach people and touch them, if only for a short period of time with the compassion that is innate in me. I know I will see horrible things in this field, I know people will let me down but it is the positive stories I will cling to. It is the people who willingly accept the help and want to change that will bring me joy. I will be looking for little things everyday to keep my passion for the field going. I take time outside of my career to enjoy life-to restore community with my biological family and build relationships with new friends. Most importantly, I will look to God and the example of Jesus to renew and continually inspire me.

On a side note, now that I am done with all those papers, I am sitting here thinking I am not being productive enough. Haha! I need to relax and enjoy this moment...and sleep-I am very exhausted from all that driving!

In just a little over a week, the celebration of this accomplishment will come, then I will revisit these emotions all over again and most likely, you will hear about them :D.

It's been a long road but I made it!

In just a short time I will be able to put MSW to this name of mine...yay!

Life is complicated, but it is beautiful.

social action in within all of us

I will not let the immaturity of some change the fact that I am for social justice for those who are oppressed in this country, I as a social worker will advocate for the good of others as I was trained to do so and as my passion to help others live better lives drives me to. Despite harsh opinions, derogatory language, and pop lingo against any positive reform and policy change, the bitter truth remains that there are hurting people out there-a lot of them. These are the people who cannot fight for themselves. They are victims of a society who has tried to ignore them, a society who has lacked compassion. We need not wait for another tragedy to hit before we act. It is time to rise up and fight for the good of others. It is time to help others as we are able. It is time to spread love as Jesus did. It is time to stop judging, stop the name calling, stop the hated, and change for the better. Love can cover a multitude of sins. Come on people, lets be united, lets stand up and grow up. Let the beauty rise from the ashes. Let's stop living for ourselves and unite.

What I Am Looking Forward to In 2010

I am most looking foward to finishing school FOREVER! I will be graduating in May of this year with my Master's in Social Work. As I have written a lot about my experience on here, I am well due to be finished with school. I have been pursuing a higher education since 2005, first completing my BA in Psychology in May 2008 and I will be officially done in August of this year upon completing my internship practicum in my advanced placement as a Social Work. It is a big deal to me because I have come a long ways. I have every right to look forward to a degree that can benefit me, but is also going to be used towards helping others find hope, resources, and motivation to change their lives for the better. Through the compassion and knowledge I use to help others, I pray for my efforts as a Social Worker to be effective and beneficial to this society in need.

Last week of the semester :)

This is the last week of the semester for me, one paper and three classes to go-yep I didn't get one done yet that I wanted to last week but it's okay, I have some great professors who understand we are not all paper writing machines. So I am at the end of the road for this semester almost :) I am looking forward to doing some reading, enjoying some snow, celebrating Christmas, writing, cooking, maybe putting a few hours in doing housekeeping on my campus to earn some much needed $$$, and watching my neglected movie collection for this break.

How is your week going so far?

some insights of being in the field

The topic of burnout was brought up in my mental health multidimensional assessment class last week. It was a very thought provoking discussion as many of my classmates shared that they had been experiencing the stresses of being in the field in one way or another-feeling exhausted after they left the office because of all the clients they had interacted with, having nightmares, always feeling like they need to be doing something and not being able to relax, or not being able to shut down well and fall asleep at night easily. My classmates were concerned that if they always felt that way, they would easily get burnt out. While some people can compartmentalize their experiences and feelings and leave experiences behind, others mull over experiences and this can affect them longer than necessary. My professor explained that we will be writing a paper next semester on burnout to learn more about this area but something he was taught by a former professor he had was that one needed to learn how to leave the job at the office or they would not be utilizing good self-care long term. His professor states that a good way to do this is to pick a street light or a sign or some other symbolic thing over the course of your drive where you can state that after that point you would not think about the stresses and details of your day at work and think about other things related to your personal life whether it be your family, friends, spirituality, or something you plan to do at home that is non-work related. I think this can be a good exercise to practice in my own life because I have the tendency to analyze things over and over, rather than just letting them go at times I should be relaxing and enjoying life. I am sure that there are more tools I will learn and use as I grow in the field but this is just one tip that I really found useful for my future as a social worker

Do you have anything that you do to debrief after a day in the field so you can relax outside of your professional life or advice for individuals new to the social work field?

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade

So my current goal is to make the most outta life even if I am not completely happy with the way things are. The last thing I want to be doing on a Sunday is sitting on my slowly widening behind all day and write papers---but in May when I get to walk across the stage to get my MSW, it will be worth it. I am very unhappy that I may be forced to have to do my internship all summer long :( but at least I don't have to wait until December to graduate. I have to look at the positive. I have to not worry about how the job market will look for social work positions for those with graduate degrees come summer or fall. I have to find the things to be thankful for even if I feel like all my friends have just walked away from me. I am thankful for:

♦ a boyfriend who supports me & takes care of things around the apartment &helps me out financially
♦ my family in Rhode Island that loves me a great deal more than I ever realized
♦ the understanding staff and professors at Roberts who are finally listening to who I am
♦ how God provides financially
♦ Ikea furniture which makes our dreadfully small apartment tolerable
♦ Wednesday dinners with my MSW girls
♦ encouraging blogs & bloggers
♦ Tim Horton's vanilla smoothies
♦ longs conversations with people I care about
♦ the beauty and memories captured by photos
♦ the fall sunshine

So these are my efforts to turn "lemon" moments into delicious "lemonade" reflections

May you find somethings to be thankful for in the midst of challenging times :)

The Unknown Path in the Journey

I am happy to be feeling better, I have needed the energy because I needed to facilitate a group for class this week as well as write two large papers. I have gotten through this week and come out alive :)

Not much has changed in regard to my internship situation. My field director has been unsuccessful in finding a placement for me as no agency wants a student mid-semester. This semester has really not turned out as I've hoped but what can I do-I just had to do something with my previous placement and before I knew it, it dissolved before me. I am praying that something will open up for the spring. I will only be taking four classes at 9 credits so I can handle heavy hours in a field placement if it happens. Although it's still iffy if that could happen. My final option is a summer placement-12-15 weeks....meaning there goes my summer and hopes and plans of moving outta this area :( and increasing my anxieties regarding finding a job. It's not just my own wants to be outta this area, it's the aspect that I finally have the opportunity to live near my biological family---an opportunity that has not been possible since I moved outta the area when I was twelve. So the future right now is in limbo. I am no longer losing sleep over it though because I did what I had to do and I have communicated what I want. I've advocated and now I have to wait.

I also had a conversation with my advisor over my inhibitions with participating in class. I stray away from the norm as a social worker in that I am introvert. While I love helping people, putting myself out there is hard. It's hard for me to speak up in classes, it's hard for me to form on the spot stories related to class materials, it's hard for me to feel confident academically and professionally and I constantly compare to other people and feel I come short when it comes to having the professional social worker status. I know that a lot of this is in my head and is not good for getting me anywhere good if I don't let it go and stop thinking so much about what others think. I want to do my best, I don't want to stand out as the one who never talks. I feel like I missed that stage of development of being involved in class because I was dealing with just trying to survive with my chaotic home life throughout my childhood and adolescence. So now I have to work harder. It's a lot to process sometimes and at the end of the day I am still exhausted even if I am not in a placement right now. But perhaps all this is happening for a reason. I have faith and hope that it will turn out for the best in the end.

the falling leaves...

Most of the leaves have fallen off the trees outside our apartment this past week. I was hoping to get out and enjoy a nice walk but have been sick with the flu for the past week and a half. Swine flu? Perhaps... this flu was pretty intense and all I could do was rest and stay in bed. Now I have meetings and emails to do regarding my internship and three papers that are demanding to be written. I am supposed to facilitate a group in class tomorrow and do an oral presentation for another class---and I am nowhere near prepared because I am just starting to feel better. So I am stressed and overwhelmed and don't know where to where to start. I keep on thinking about May and pray that I can get everything I need to done by then and have a better handle on the future. Hopefully a few things can sort themselves out this week and I can rest a bit easier. Until next time...

Thoughts on My Career Purpose

Yes, I am training to become a Christian Social Worker. I fully believe it is possible to be both. I am not one of those people who is going to snatch away children from the home-unless harm is coming upon the children. I am a mandatory reporter and it is one of the duties of my job. I follow the NASW Code of Ethics, respect the field of social work and also following the calling God has given me to help and show compassion upon the hurting sick and needy. I am not here to pass judgment, to hate others, to force people to change. I will however help people have access to the resources in their community to help them improve their lives. I will fight against injustice. I will not let the cruelty of the world turn me bitter, I will do what I can do be an example of Jesus and bring light and hope into the darkened parts of the world.

networking

I just found this website http://social-babble.com that is advertised as a new and noteworthy networking site where Social Workers meet!

Maybe this will be a great resource for some, including me :)

placement concerns

Much prayer needed regarding my internship placement and decisions that are needing to be made. It's outta my hands, Lord have Your way.

stress relief: five websites i like to browse

1. http://www.socialworkblogs.info/ - it's great to be able to find blogs and people who are going through/have gone through the same stuff I am going through in grad school getting my MSW.

2. amazon.com-not only is it a great resource for getting much cheaper textbooks, it's also a great place to pick up dvd's for cheap and whatever else i may like---if only shipping wasn't so much tho...

3. http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/-my favorite site to go to after a baddd day (like this past Thursday after I got spoken to by my internship supervisor :(). It gives me so many ideas on what I would/wouldn't like for a wedding cake one day as well as giving me more than a few laughs.

4. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/-Because we all know people like this exist out there :p Another good site for laughter therapy.

5. biblegateway.com-because sometimes God knows exactly what I need to read

What are your favorite sites that help you relax these days?

Cast all your cares upon God

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phillippians 4:6 NIV) 

Not only do our clients have issues, but so do we. Practicing self-care is so important or else all the struggles we have had in the past can re-emerge. This past weekend I must confess I was struggling with feelings of inadequacy and overly anxious about my internship, assignments, and other expectations from my grad courses. Not only do we have to instill hope about others, we have to first make sure we have it within ourselves. No one likes a fraud, no one wants to be one either. So in being true to ourselves and others, we have to take care of ourselves and work through our bad days to bring on the good ones so we can be effective to others. We don't want to be burnt out, otherwise we will just be more miserable in our efforts to do our job and our true calling and passion will be lost. I know that all this is easier to say than to be done. For me to cope with my career, life, ect., it's a process of implementing positive things in my personal life over time that will bring joy and peace to my life. For example, instead of spending that extra hour before bed that I don't want to do homework, I may read a book that's not related to social work, watch one of my favorite movies, or like I have been doing recently, work on a puzzle. Even though I don't have much time to get my mind off things, these little things helps. I learned I have to make the time or else I will be unable to get a good night's sleep. Another thing that helps me is that while I am in the car, instead of tuning into the radio, I will put on Christian music like Misty Edwards, Jason Upton, Tim Hughes, Hillsong United, Tim Hughes, David Crowder Band, ect. This music gets my mind off the things of the world and onto focusing on God who has made all things possible for me. While I am traveling to or from classes and internship, this is a time I look forward to when I can get a break from the craziness of the world that faces me. So I hope that I can continue to do these things because once in awhile is not enough. Self-care is a lifestyle that I must continue to remind myself I need to practice for my own personal mental health.

getting there one day at a time

As I imagined, today was incredibly stressful. I got up on not enough hours of sleep, wrote a 4 pg paper then headed to class.

In class, which is group work, it was week 1 of learning about the different therapy's you can do out there with work. For the first part of the class we did cognitive behavioral therapy relaxation exercises. I can't believe I used to think breathing exercises were bull b/c I realized I needed to RELAX. The girl who facilitated today was amazing which talking to us soothingly and told us to relax our bodies muscle by muscle from head to toe (i realized how tense i was) then gave us a scenario to picture us on a magic carpet taking us five years into the future into a place hovering over our house and us peering inside from above. We were told to imagine what it would be like. I imagined being in a house near my grandparents farm with candles being lit and me just relaxing and reading a book with my boyfriend relaxing too. The atmosphere was warm, calm, and peaceful. It was a great exercise and gave me hope for what is to come.

The next part of the class was where we practiced client centered therapy where we wrote on a bag things that we perceived about ourselves then inside the bag was a piece of paper which we passed to around the circle where each person wrote what they thought of us, then when we were done we were asked to compare what we wrote about ourselves and what others wrote about us. Of course, I wrote I was quiet and so did everyone else. But then someone spoke up and said she said this was not a bad quality because I was not quick to speak. This showed strength and also exemplified that when I did speak my words were powerful which could be compared to the example of Jesus. That was truly an amazing thing to say---seriously.

That was the best therapy sessions I have gotten ever haha and it was done by other social work students like me. I think it just goes to show the power of caring and faith mixed together. AMAZING :)

Now I just need to hang in there till the end of the week.

Internship tomorrow which I need to go prepare for. I am meeting with my first two kids individually tomorrow. Also, I have to have my scrapbooking club objectives all together. Sooo much to do and sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone but I have to get through it all because it will just make me stronger in the end.

Hard to believe I am gonna be 24 in four days, I am so blessed that I will be spending it with my real family.

Debriefing is Necessary

Yesterday was the first day of my elementary school social work internship in an urban atmosphere. Although the anticipation of the first day caused me some anxiety, once I got there, the day went fairly smoothly. I got assigned three clients which i will initially observe and then meet with individually to counsel. I also was involved in two groups yesterday: one that dealt with working with kids on basic social skills like taking turns and not interrupting others and another group that worked with kids who have an autism spectrum DSM diagnosis. Eventually I will be doing my own groups, including facilitating a group that will be a photography/scrapbooking therapeutic group which is very exciting considering I doing both! My supervisor is awesome as well, very sweet and understanding and very willing to get me involved with kids and learning social work tools and experience that is a key to my learning process. She wants me to create a grief therapy guide for counseling children individually who have gone through the loss of a loved one that will cover 8-10 sessions. This is relevant to me because of my own personal losses and because I feel there is a greater need for social workers to be trained and aware of interventions to help children who are dealing with the issue of loss in their lives.

I feel things in my life have picked up speed drastically in the past week. I realize if I don't write things down in my planner, I forget them. I am already struggling with keeping up with readings from courses again so hopefully I find a way to fit them all in and simply not forget about them because I am too tired. I am sure I will get a better handle of things in a few weeks once I get more used to being at my present internship. It just takes time.

I am also very thankful to have my boyfriend. As I go through this program, I realize the importance of having someone you can debrief with at the end of the day (My supervisor says she plans to discuss how things went after each day I am at my placement so we can reflect on the day which is also great). I can talk to him about my apprehensions, my high and low points of my day, and just get the feedback that I am doing something great and receive the awareness that I am being supported through my social work education journey. I am happy to not that I am not alone and have someone in my life who will advocate for me to pursue the job I want once I am given the opportunity, even if it may mean leaving the Rochester area.

I truly see God's hand in this journey everyday and I am thankful at the end of the day for each opportunity to help others, including when a little girl who was in a group yesterday said she was happy because I was a new friend who wanted to help her be happy. :)

Looking Forward/Remembering to Remember

I got the internship for a school social worker position! I will be working with a bilingual social worker who was very nice and helpful. Most importantly, she seems very skilled and competent in what she does so I have a feeling I am going to be very busy and will learn a lot this year.

________________________________________________________________________________

Of course, like millions of others out there, I can't help but remember that today is 9/11. For me, 2001 was one of the most challenging, life-changing years of my life. Though my personal losses happened well before 9/11/2001 came, I too could relate to the pain of losing a loved. Life can never be the same after you have lost someone whom you have loved and who has loved you. Eight years after I lost my father and my brother, I still am healing, as I believe that those who lost their loved ones on 9/11 are still healing. So today I pray for peace for those going dealing with the memories of loss all over again because grief is something that one is constantly working.

A Promising Evening

So after sitting in tonight's Mental Health Theories class and watching Obama's Healthcare reform speech and hearing the hopeful news of better healthcare for the millions of people in this country who need it (including myself!), I returned home to find positive news regarding my personal/professional life. After trying unsuccessfully to complete the application requirements and trying to contact the agency that seemingly had been forced upon me for my final internship placement for this year, I got fed up and no longer wanted to try to compromise for an agency I have heard just bad news about. So I email the field placement director of my school and told him that I would like to hear of other options if they were available because I had no luck with my current efforts to start my internship. I know I am a week or two behind as we speak from my peers and told him I realized I needed a placement immediately. He first emailed me back to say that he would speak to the lady I was trying to contact. However, he then emailed me back saying that there was an elementary school social work internship position so I emailed back him saying that I would be all over that position and he replied with the social workers contact information. I am extremely excited and will be contacting who will hopefully be my future supervisor tomorrow. I understand I still probably need to do a formal interview and what not but I am praying truly that this is the position meant for me and that all my apprehensions about my former internship possibility were there for a reason. I have been seriously considering looking into school social work lately just because I think it will provide me with more opportunity to do faith based counseling on the side with summers, weekends, and evenings free. I am still young and don't have a family yet so this makes it more possible to perhaps pursue this dream. However, I will not get my hopes up---we'll see what tomorrow holds. I hope all who are reading are having a blessed week! Take care!

a life of purpose and meaning

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (Tuesdays With Morrie, p.43)


This is just one of the many reasons I am pursuing my higher education in Social Work at Roberts. If I can do my part to help others discover or renew their purpose and meaning, I will find joy in my labors. If I can help people find hope to go on in life, I will be thankful for the opportunity to bring light to an individuals situation. I think it is sad that we live in a world where many people take life for granted, where people walk by each other lonely, and where people fill their life with things to take away the pain instead of finding true love in the goodness of something or someone. I pray that I don't lose my vision for purpose and meaning in this life. Ever.

First Day of My Last Year Of Grad School

Unless I decide to get my PhD in like twenty years, haha, this will be my last first day of school. I can't say I will miss the first day feeling. I am very nervous, even though the last time I was in a classroom was a month and a half ago since I took two summer classes throughout May, June, and July. I hate the whole introduction thing that most professors do...I know it's to break the ice but most of the time I really have to think to say something about myself. I know I still really need to work on participation in classes-I should not get all worked up about it but it still happens. I have always been shy but as I got older, I realized it formed more into anxiety---making me feel sick to my stomach at times. So I am fighting to get over this once and for all. I want to be the best social worker I can and social workers are supposed to be people persons anyways so I better get there :). I think this year is going to stretch me a lot further than last year but in the end I know it will teach me even more to take charge of things in my professional life to gain the tools I need for my future.

Today I start classes. I still need to figure out a few things before I can start my internship which is bugging me but it will be straightened out soon. My classes go as follows: Group Work on Mondays starting at three and then Applied Research six-thirty to eight or Field Instruction every other Monday. Wednesday I have Mental Health Multidimentional Assessment and Mental Health Theory from three to nine. Saturdays for the next five weeks I will be taking Death and Bereavement which I am both interested in and apprehensive about since I have had so much traumatic life experiences throughout my childhood and adolescence. I will be writing in depth about those experiences which will be both easy because I have so much first-hand experience and hard because I will have to relive some of the memories as I process everything. But I know that this self-awareness will just provide further healing and growth in end so I will get through it okay. I also will have to facilitate some sort of group through my internship so that will be another area which will stretch me this fall.

All this is not in vain though, I am following my dreams to help others and make a difference in life. I am ready as I can be for what is to come.